Crap, It's Raining

Mother Nature hates me.

Ok, I'm actually probably not even in Mother Nature's binoculars. But I might as well overinflate my importance since there is nothing better to do. Globules of some hydrogen-oxygen compound (water), designed specifically to mess with tennis matches, are falling out of the sky. Who did this? Who can I complain to? I want my money back. I want to start my life over.

Incidentally, this "water" stuff is bad news. Did I mention that 100% of people in America's prisons have tried water at least once? Not only that, but this stuff is so bad that YOUR FIRST SIP AND YOU ARE HOOKED FOR LIFE. That's right, you become a junkie needing your monkey. After your first sip, if you go without it, you'll die. Water is a gateway drug too, leading to much more insidious subtances, such as tea or milk. Next thing you know, your body is, like, 70% water or something like that (everybody likes to say your body is 90% water, but I looked it up on Google, and most of the sources say it's less than that).

So I guess I won't play tennis today, unless somebody puts a dome over the city really quickly. I don't think that will happen by this afternoon, and even if it did, it might interfere with airplane traffic, deprive our plants and lakes of sorely needed replenishment, and cause environmental problems. I guess I really shouldn't wish for that, should I?