Didn't Want To Be There, And It Showed

Sets 216-217:

Stuart v. Y. at Northwest Park. Winner: Y. 6-4, 6-1.

My Mojo: Distant And Scattered.

I REALLY did not want to be there for this match. I was in the middle of working on something that I did not want to leave, and I was just not wanting to pull myself away to play this match. I had scheduled the match, though, and it was a ladder match (even if it hadn't been, I don't think I would have stiffed an opponent). So I reluctantly dragged myself to the car, and went to the site to play. But my mind was not on the match at all.

Despite the fact that my brain was in a faraway place, I managed to start strong and win the first three games. But I kept drifting away to the stuff I had been working on, and I could not keep my focus on playing tennis. I was starting to get angry, too. I was angry that I had to be there, and I was upset about having to play, and after the first three games, my focus dissolved so badly that I was losing, and that was making me lose worse, and that was making me angry, too. So I was getting mad about contradictory things. I wanted to win, and I wasn't winning, and that was upsetting me. But I also wanted to lose quickly since I was losing, and it was upsetting me that I was just taking too long.

Despite the fact that I didn't want to be there, I still kept playing as hard as I could, but my focus and emotions were just out of hand. It started raining a couple of times, but not enough to postpone, and that upset me too. I just was not playing well at all, even though I was trying to, and in the second set it was no contest.